Where will Kemba Walker end up going in the NBA Draft? (Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)
Although this will not be an interesting NBA Draft from a Gonzaga perspective, that does not mean that there won't be tons of intrigue tomorrow night. As we have done every year on this site, we would like to welcome all of you to come and share your thoughts during the 2011 NBA Draft. For those fans who are huge draft fans, please feel free to submit a mock draft of your own.
What you see below is Will's mock draft with some truly hilarious commentary. I have included my picks in bold next with each pick from Will. This promises to be one of the more unpredictable drafts in recent years, with not even the top pick completely set in stone at this point. We look forward to seeing all of your submissions and it will be interesting to see who can bring home the title of draft guru.
Cleveland Cavaliers – Derrick Williams/ Kyrie Irving; hearing Cleveland is where significant egos go to grow, Williams announces ESPN will air two hour special on his deciding what number to wear, Dan Gilbert tweets something over-zealous about prime numbers not being ‘team-focused’ enough, no one cares
Minnesota Timberwolves – Kyrie Irving/ Derrick Williams; Timberwolves front office confuses Ricky Rubio with Marco Rubio, feels need to acquire talented guard, grows conservative Floridian fan base.
Utah Jazz – Brandon Knight/ Enes Kanter; as nothing says moral certitude and adherence to Mormon values like growing up under the scrupulous influence of John Calipari, Jazz fans revolt, demand GM Kevin O'Connor redeem himself by taking both Jimmer and Shelvin Mack with team's next pick
Cleveland Cavaliers – Jonas Valanciunas/ Jonas Valanciunas; Tall Anonymous European White Guy #1 promises he doesn’t even know how to spell Tskitishvili, then turrets it out on stage next to David Stern
Toronto Raptors – Kawhi Leonard/ Brandon Knight; Leonard is so filthy during practices that Toronto braces for another SARS outbreak, a petrified Andrea Bargnani adopts Gallinari-esque nickname (The Chicken), playing ability
Washington Wizards – Enes Kanter/ Jan Vesely; nothing communicates the strong sense of honor and responsibility shared by other well known DC figures like committing to a skeez like Calipari, then backing out because you took money under the table from another skeez before you could take money from him. Actually…
Sacramento Kings – Kemba Walker/ Tristan Thompson; preferring Anaheim to Sacramento after knocking off San Diego State and Arizona there as a UConn Husky in last year’s NCAA tournament, Walker just heads straight to SoCal, Maloofs mysteriously relocate the franchise a year early
Detroit Pistons – Klay Thompson/ Bismack Biyombo; KT brings his old Inland Northwest friends and new teammates Austin Daye and Rodney Stuckey some of that real Cali bud, Pistons go on another work strike because they can’t find the Cheezits
Charlotte Bobcats – Bismack Biyombo/ Kawhi Leonard; While flossing his teeth with the corner of his most recent check from Hanes, MJ devises a way to pick a player more disappointing than Kwame Brown who will also be benched in favor of Kwame Brown.
Milwaukee Bucks – Donatas Motiejunas/ Jimmer; disappointed the Bobcats took the last Bismack, the Bucks opt for the next tastiest (if not more generic) selection, a plain old Donatas.
Golden State Warriors – Tristan Thompson/ Klay Thompson; TT is so athletic and gets so much air that he does a series of Blake Griffin-over-the-Kia impersonations while using the other hand to point at all the cities he can see on the horizon where he’d rather be playing
Utah Jazz – Jimmer Fredette/ Kemba Walker; Jimmer and Gordon Hayward exchange Guster albums and alternate turns bringing the Pea Salad to John Stockton’s weekly potluck, paparazzi catches Jerry Sloan getting refitted at Loehmanns for pastel suits and ties, Utah at its happiest in years
Phoenix Suns – Alec Burks/ Marcus Morris; after his highly-touted pre-draft work out sessions with Chauncey Billups, Burks ends up having to renege on his promise to play for no one except his hometown Denver Nuggets when he is immediately traded to the New York Knicks
Houston Rockets – Jordan Hamilton/ Nikola Vucevic; well-versed while at Texas in how to exert minimal effort and underachieve while producing mediocre results, Hamilton saunters to closest NBA city, plays for Rockets
Indiana Pacers – Jan Vesley/ Marshon Brooks; Tall Anonymous (Eastern) European White Guy #2 understandably feels uncomfortable being ordered around by a commander named Vogel, becomes 2011’s Zarko Cabarkapa, disappears before Larry Bird can rear his jaundiced head in exasperated-looking apology
Philadelphia 76s – Tobias Harris/ Markieff Morris; praising him for his tireless work ethic, Pat Croce emerges from the woodwork and hands him a $5 million check made of cardboard, $29.50 of which goes toward a trampoline to catch draft-mate and former Vol teammate Scotty Hopson when he starts falling off of D league radar
New York Knicks - Kenneth Faried/ Chris Singleton; Faried’s ferocity and extravagant hair style make the tough women of New York swoon, Ronny Turiaf shows up to camp realizing Faried’s copped his look, rookie forced to snip it off, loses his ladies, could really use a rebound
Washington Wizards – Markus Morris/ Donatas Motiejunas; feeling like he lost out on college drinking years, Markus ditches Verizon Center for San Antonio’s AT&T Center which claims to have more bars in more places, on arrival only finds a sober Greg Popovich telling him the Spurs are "all set" with Antonio McDyess
Charlotte Bobcats – Markieff Morris/ Iman Shumpert; MJ, now full on eating the Hanes check, attempts to one up the Wizards’ pick by taking Markus’ less talented brother, sings, "anything they can do I can do better," enjoys taste of pulp
Minnesota Timberwolves – Nolan Smith/ Alec Burks; since he liked it so much at Duke, Smith signs on for several more years of being upstaged by a three-years-younger Kyrie Irving, GM David Kahn claims receiving two Duke players in same round only further evidence of draft being fixed
Portland Trail Blazers – Trey Thompkins/ Kenneth Faried; knowing that Thompkins was injured before his Georgia career even started, and that his absence lead to bad play and the firing of Dennis Felton, Chad Buchanan and Nate McMillan keep with Trail Blazer form and jump at Thompkins, somewhere Greg Oden waves a cautionary Dikembe Mutumbo finger
Denver Nuggets – Chris Singleton/ Reggie Jackson; despite leading a historically great Florida State Seminole defense, Singleton offers zero defense against the Nuggets decision to spend the 2014-2015 season paying roughly $8 million to a 34 year old Al Harrington, then demands a 12-year pro-rated contract
Houston Rockets – JaJuan Johnson/ Jeremy Tyler; Purdue standout gets compared to Marcus Camby so many times that he bitterly asks to be traded to Portland in exchange for Camby, immediately on arrival in Rose City collides with Trey Thompkins, both are injured indefinitely
Oklahoma City Thunder – Chandler Parsons/ Tyler Honeycutt; wakes up one morning and realizes with a name like Chaann-dler Pahh-sons he’s actually an aristocrat in a Tom Wolfe novel, immediately starts drinking single malt scotch, ogling southern belles, Kevin Durant declines invitation to go quail hunting
Boston Celtics – Nikola Vucevic/ Tobias Harris; pick devolves quickly after Vucevic, dismayed at being chosen by rival of his hometown Lakers, claims Celts "play like women," 8,000 Bostonian men instantly direct him to tha otha side of tha tunnel ya bastid, Kevin O’Neill manages to get in an altercation with all of them in a hotel lobby
Dallas Mavericks – Shelvin Mack/ Isaiah Thomas; reminiscent of the mentality of play at Butler, Mack immediately starts modeling his game after the work ethic and scrappy on court demeanor of J.J. Barea, is knocked unconscious by Andrew Bynum in first game of the year, Dirk retaliates with an almost impossible fade away left hand hook
New Jersey Nets – Justin Harper/ Nolan Smith; known for his insane levels of offensive efficiency, drops 40 in Nets’ season opener, Jay Z douses him with bottle of something worth more than his entire contract, Marv Albert suffers a stroke after his voice spends too much time in that extra-high gargling octave reserved for historic occasions
Chicago Bulls – Tyler Honeycutt/ Davis Bertans; so impressed with his silky smooth, yet sweet, jumper, West Chicago’s General Mills plant starts manufacturing Fiber One in wildly popular sugary ‘O’s, calls it Honeycutt Cheerios, Windy City sewage system karmic-ly overflows into Vinny Del Negro’s backyard
San Antonio Spurs – Nikola Mirotic/ Nikola Mirotic; Tall Anonymous European White Guy #3 is immediately benched in favor of Tiago Splitter after complaining about the lack of authentic Basque tapas in San Antonio, move fails to refine local cuisine but succeeds at popularizing the incredible name of Tiago Splitter
Chicago Bulls – Josh Selby/ Josh Selby; jealous of Honeycutt’s cereal deal, demands his own deal with General Mills, is lauded with grain-themed gifts, but suspended for nine games for accepting too many gluten-free benefits